Returning
by Fake Empire
Summary: Gene returns to Devon after the war. He reflects on the war's impact on his life, and on the lives of others close to him.


The school had looked new five years prior to Gene's visit. Now, it looked even new, if that was even possible. Did schools age like people? He would never know. Gene shouldn't even care. He really only returned to Devon because of Finny. Come to think of it, he did a lot of trivial things just because of Finny. Gene wanted that to change. He wanted a lot of things to change. All he needed was closure. Gene repeated that line like a mantra. What did he need closure from, war? He would never get closure from wars. Wars were eternal. Another had begun overseas in Vietnam. Maybe he needed closure from Devon. Why would it matter? The past is the past. Live in the present. Gene didn't know if he could let go. He needed to relax, that was all. He needed to forget, but he did the opposite. Instead, he reminisced. He remembered, and he thought back to a different time; a time right after Finny. He mused over the day he graduated.

Gene was the valedictorian of his class, but he didn't attempt anymore sports. They were Finny's thing. It would be a lie to say that athletics were the only thing that Finny excelled at. Finny was good at everything he tried, but he was outstanding in sports. Gene recalled the time when Finny obliterated A. Hopkins Parker's swimming record, and he didn't even care for swimming. He cared for the Olympics. Gene knew for a fact that if there had not been a war, Finny would have been a gold medal winner. Gene knew that Finny was gone, he really did. It was only, sometimes he forgot. It just slipped his mind for a few moments. He let his imagination run wild with what could have been. He thought about how different it was without Finny, and how he never really knew him. Why would he know him? They were rivals, competitors. Not anymore, Gene thought. He had won; Gene had survived. He had proved that he was the fittest of the fit. It felt like an animistic kind of pride. It was great. But Leper was right; he was truly a savage underneath it all. How sad; he felt so bleak.

Gene went to the army, but he never saw the real war overseas. He continued his education at Middlebury. He had later married his college sweetheart. He only had one son, William Phineas Forrester, but he was called Will, it was better that way. Gene had returned to Devon, but only for his reunion. He couldn't take much more. He found himself wandering the grounds again; just the same as five years earlier. Gene saw the bush where Finny had spotted Leper hiding after the incident. Which incident: the war, Leper's mind, Finny's leg, or Finny's life? It was too much to take in. He would never know how he dealt with it all at seventeen. Gene figured that he never really dealt with any of these "incidents". Naturally, that's why he needs the closure. Leper hadn't dealt the incidents well. Maybe that was why he escaped from the army. Leper wasn't married, Gene was sure of it. The poor guy was still mental, but he was sure sharp. Leper had told him that he still lived at the "Christmas location" with his parents. He had just sat there, and grinned while he said this; it was unsettling. The army had showed Gene the real world, but it had been too much for Leper. It had defeated him. Gene knew Leper hadn't eaten or slept in the service. Sleep deprivation and starvation: the keys to insanity, along with the real world. Nobody would survive, let alone enjoy, the real world, not truly. Not even Finny; especially not Finny.

The army had a different effect on Brinker. Brinker Hadley hadn't been a high official, but he was respected. His contributions in the war got him a good job. He was happily married, but Gene didn't know much more than that. They weren't close anymore. Gene wasn't close to anyone from Devon, not since the accident. He had never been close to anyone since Finny. Brinker had been scared to death in the armed forces, but he conformed to it. His pain was noticeable. The bags under his eyes, and his face drawn, they showed his wartimes. He looked old and tired. Did Gene look like this too? Did Gene look as ragged as Brinker? He wondered what would have become of Finny. They surely would have stayed friends, even after the war. He couldn't take the memories anymore. He was back after twenty years reminiscing about his late friend. Friend, did he still count as friend? He would never know. As Gene left his haunted past, he wondered what had become of Quackenbush.

Quackenbush was a fairly normal guy, but he had his odd quirks. He had not attended the reunion. Gene was sure that he enlisted all those years back. Was Quackenbush one of those tens of thousands of boys who nobly died for their country? Gene thought about what being noble really meant. Was it noble to die killing? Quackenbush had always been proud; he would have been proud to depart this world killing the enemy. How perplexing. Had Quackenbush not feared death? It was unnatural not to fear. Quackenbush had been a little generic. It seemed he could have been regarded as just another ruthless soldier. Why was Gene still thinking like this? He was reading too far into Quackenbush's life. He just hadn't showed up, or been heard from. It was like he just disappeared from his old life, and started new. Gene wished he could do that. The war seemed so long ago, almost like a separate time, but its aftershocks still loomed over Gene's life.

Gene went to Finny's beach. He was obviously old enough for a beer, and even though he wanted his pain to go, he knew that wasn't the way. It was another thing that Gene only had done with Finny. That meant he would never do it again. Everything was closed anyway. It was all shut down and away. It was desolate. Was this what death felt like, lonely and cold? No, death couldn't be worse than this life. This life was chaotic. President Kennedy had been assassinated. The country was in shambles; this was worse than the war. The entire war was disastrous. There was fear everywhere. Fear of missiles, fear of war, and fear of death. Naturally, fear was taking over. Gene slowly came to the conclusion that he would never truly forget, the war would be with him always: all his friends, his enemies, his wars, Devon, and the summer of 1942. No, he would never forget, but he could move on. Gene would move on, even if it took twenty more years. But war would always be around, wars were undying.


End file.
